The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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