If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize