I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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