babies were throwing up all over the place
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
