dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
