6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
