How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
