I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You made out with two different species that night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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