I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
