rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
