we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize