in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
