I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
