i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize