Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
