Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
