I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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