I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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