listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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