It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
