On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize