I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
