So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
