Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
