Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
