i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
