No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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