Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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