the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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