bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
