Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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