I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
