That's when you crack a 10am beer
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
