if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had to cum in my sink.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
