Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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