I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
