Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
