the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
