why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
