After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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