I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
