Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
