non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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