I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
