Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
