Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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