I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I intend to get homeless drunk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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