You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
