I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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