If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
