dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
