Can i not drive my cunt home
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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