If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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