she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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