I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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