so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
