Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize