I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
