I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sarcasm needs its own font
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
