I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize