Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Semen is not good for contacts.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
