I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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