I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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