my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
