you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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