So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
