I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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