I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize