i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
