Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize