Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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