I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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