I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
